The pool outside my door. I forgot to add this one earlier when I was showing pics of my new place. The pool deep end goes to 8 feet.
Some pink flowers growing by the pool...what kind are they?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
More Pictures
Some of you know I've been working on a small craft project. It's a bulletin board in black to match my black/white room. The pics and collage on the front are pieces of the cards that many of you gave to me while I was sick and in and out of treatment. I love them! I pieced them together to match the colors of my room...this is how it turned out:
The pool outside my door. I forgot to add this one earlier when I was showing pics of my new place. The pool deep end goes to 8 feet.
Some pink flowers growing by the pool...what kind are they?
The pool outside my door. I forgot to add this one earlier when I was showing pics of my new place. The pool deep end goes to 8 feet.
Some pink flowers growing by the pool...what kind are they?
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Sensory Overload
I am completely, 100 percent, in tune with my senses. All five of them. Over the passed week I have been experiencing several emotions in motion. I'm overwhelmed.
Let's start with Joy; I have a deep sense of it all day long each day. I am so incredibly happy to be alive. I can not wake up or go out or stroll along without feeling joyful consistently with every passing moment. I mean these things literally.
Its summer in Sacramento. Currently we are experiencing lower than normal temperatures for this time of year. Each day is incredibly beautiful and bright. Warm. I bask in this beauty all day long. I see beauty walking out my door, riding my bike, running errands. I feel the warmth of the Sun/Son. :) Nothing is hidden.
Its as if I was asleep before, and now my eyes are opened and can see clearly now. (I can see all obstacles in my way). I thought I was alive before, but it's hard to believe now-seeing, touching, feeling like I do today. Was I dead? I am hoping that as you read these words you understand exactly what I am trying to say. How did i exist before?
I remember my doctors telling me that staying on Dilantin for too long could have problems. They always told me that they would eventually switch my anti-convulsion meds to Keppra. They said that when people came off of dilantin it was like they suddenly "woke up." I'm sure that part of my energy over the passed week comes from adjusting to the new medicine, (and caffeine) but by no means is it the only excuse.
It's almost been a year since my Cancer diagnosis. I have learned much about myself throughout this journey. To what extent was I depressed before? How did I ever have or know a good time? Where did all my friends and loved ones come from (you're all saints)? I know I've laughed and had great times, but it only feels like I'm just beginning to experience life for real now. It's a humbling feeling for me. Wanting to fight feelings of toughness and pride like "I can handle anything" that comes my way, but trying just to appreciate the abundant grace that has been extended my way.
So comes the fear. When will the other shoe drop? Life can't stay this good for long... Please pray for me you praying kinds-I know that this is just a typical fear for someone who is use to drama and doesn't know how to handle when things "go right." :) I am hoping to live a long life, cancer or no cancer-it's irrelevant.
Awake, my soul, and SING!
Now, bring me that horizon
Drink up me hearties yo ho!
;)
Let's start with Joy; I have a deep sense of it all day long each day. I am so incredibly happy to be alive. I can not wake up or go out or stroll along without feeling joyful consistently with every passing moment. I mean these things literally.
Its summer in Sacramento. Currently we are experiencing lower than normal temperatures for this time of year. Each day is incredibly beautiful and bright. Warm. I bask in this beauty all day long. I see beauty walking out my door, riding my bike, running errands. I feel the warmth of the Sun/Son. :) Nothing is hidden.
Its as if I was asleep before, and now my eyes are opened and can see clearly now. (I can see all obstacles in my way). I thought I was alive before, but it's hard to believe now-seeing, touching, feeling like I do today. Was I dead? I am hoping that as you read these words you understand exactly what I am trying to say. How did i exist before?
I remember my doctors telling me that staying on Dilantin for too long could have problems. They always told me that they would eventually switch my anti-convulsion meds to Keppra. They said that when people came off of dilantin it was like they suddenly "woke up." I'm sure that part of my energy over the passed week comes from adjusting to the new medicine, (and caffeine) but by no means is it the only excuse.
It's almost been a year since my Cancer diagnosis. I have learned much about myself throughout this journey. To what extent was I depressed before? How did I ever have or know a good time? Where did all my friends and loved ones come from (you're all saints)? I know I've laughed and had great times, but it only feels like I'm just beginning to experience life for real now. It's a humbling feeling for me. Wanting to fight feelings of toughness and pride like "I can handle anything" that comes my way, but trying just to appreciate the abundant grace that has been extended my way.
So comes the fear. When will the other shoe drop? Life can't stay this good for long... Please pray for me you praying kinds-I know that this is just a typical fear for someone who is use to drama and doesn't know how to handle when things "go right." :) I am hoping to live a long life, cancer or no cancer-it's irrelevant.
Awake, my soul, and SING!
Now, bring me that horizon
Drink up me hearties yo ho!
;)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Joy of Living
I am now all moved and settled into my new apartment that is just a few blocks down the street from my old house in East Sacramento. I'm still nestled under the sycamore trees amongst all the old homes built in the 40's and off the side street from some of the J Street shops. I love my new apartment. It is the perfect sized one bedroom and I'm just off the pool. I've even got a wood burning fireplace!
Since my last update about my headaches, I've been mostly pain free. I had a bad week about a week ago due to some insomnia and stress, but I'm feeling better the past few days. Adam and I cleaned the old house and each got our own places just down the street from McKinley Park.
I took some pictures of the apartment. Ignore the clutter, come see it in person, it's nice. :)
The dining and kitchen area
My walk-in closet. Completely glorious!
The Living Room
I forgot to take a picture of the pool. More to come later. Now in the meantime while I am waiting to hear from UC San Diego about my next MRI I am keeping busy.
Since my last update about my headaches, I've been mostly pain free. I had a bad week about a week ago due to some insomnia and stress, but I'm feeling better the past few days. Adam and I cleaned the old house and each got our own places just down the street from McKinley Park.
I took some pictures of the apartment. Ignore the clutter, come see it in person, it's nice. :)
The dining and kitchen area
My walk-in closet. Completely glorious!
The Living Room
I forgot to take a picture of the pool. More to come later. Now in the meantime while I am waiting to hear from UC San Diego about my next MRI I am keeping busy.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
This Is HOCKEYTOWN!!
Detroit is back, after losing 3&4 on the road. The Wings showed the Pens a 5-0 shutout. Pittsburgh couldn't keep their cool and my boys scored 3 powerplay goals.
Game 6 is back in Pittsburgh. Last year, the Wings won the cup in 6. Only drawback was winning on the road.
Game 6 is back in Pittsburgh. Last year, the Wings won the cup in 6. Only drawback was winning on the road.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Life's been good to me so far..
The anthem of my life, the cry of my spirit; and the hope for my future.
I don't have a mansion or a fancy car or gold records on the wall, but I am dearly loved. I've been blessed with several good fortunes and countless gifts. I'm rich in spirit and in wealth. I have close friends that I can depend on, share a good time with, and be accountable to. I have a nuclear and extended family that loves and supports me in what I strive to do, and accepts me as am where ever I am.
Sure childhood wasn't easy, and I saw many things happen in my home that I wished I didn't, but I've got everything else. Yes, my parents went through a nasty divorce that put my sister and I in the middle of a few traumatic episodes. It's unfortunate that I only got to live in a house for a few years. I was put in a neglected kid's home while my sister got to be with dad, and I remember being left to fend for myself while my mother was out taking drugs and breaking the law, but so what? These are the earliest memories I have of when God started to teach me how to be brave.
"..They say I'm crazy but I have a good time.."
I have good health. I am looked after. Happily I am still able to look and care after others. I am living exceptionally well.
All the achievements that I've been able to complete to this day are great gifts that I can be proud of even though I belittle each one of them. I am able to make life happen for myself, instead of walking though it believing its made me. Even though I think these choices are easy and there's no excuse for not doing them, I guess it's kinda cool that I have.
I don't feel that my life lacks any value or meaning. I don't feel that I lack the same because I am without a husband, house, high-paying job, children, etc. And I am 30 years old! Shouldn't I be afraid? I know other women wouldn't want the same. We (myself included) freak out when we reach 30 years of age and don't have any of the before-mentioned dreams. I was one of them.
"..Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through
I can't complain but sometimes I still do.."
I suffer from injured pride. I am humbled because it took the cancer stick slap-in-the-face to wake me up from all my frustration and despair. But overjoyed now that I have realized that though all of the above desires can be wonderful blessings in a woman's life, they certainly don't make it. I wasted too many years being upset that I had none of these situations in my life. I want those years back!
It's much easier to be a friend, servant, believer, and a woman without all of that self-inflicted pressure. I wish it for all my single girlfriends, and boyfriends with similar issues.
And the Cancer? I have been able to walk through treatment mainly on my own, without any difficulty. I have plenty of support, and a mostly put-together brain that allows me to work, drive, talk/think/joke/laugh/read/ and bake cookies without any real problems. I get annoyed when I fuse words together, or forget my keys, but I'm thinking that problem is more to old age setting in..;) And lest I forget, I GOT TO GO TO AUSTRALIA!!!!
"..I keep on going guess I'll never know why-LIFE'S BEEN GOOD TO ME SO FAR...!"
*Lyrics borrowed from Joe Walsh with possible permission.
I don't have a mansion or a fancy car or gold records on the wall, but I am dearly loved. I've been blessed with several good fortunes and countless gifts. I'm rich in spirit and in wealth. I have close friends that I can depend on, share a good time with, and be accountable to. I have a nuclear and extended family that loves and supports me in what I strive to do, and accepts me as am where ever I am.
Sure childhood wasn't easy, and I saw many things happen in my home that I wished I didn't, but I've got everything else. Yes, my parents went through a nasty divorce that put my sister and I in the middle of a few traumatic episodes. It's unfortunate that I only got to live in a house for a few years. I was put in a neglected kid's home while my sister got to be with dad, and I remember being left to fend for myself while my mother was out taking drugs and breaking the law, but so what? These are the earliest memories I have of when God started to teach me how to be brave.
"..They say I'm crazy but I have a good time.."
I have good health. I am looked after. Happily I am still able to look and care after others. I am living exceptionally well.
All the achievements that I've been able to complete to this day are great gifts that I can be proud of even though I belittle each one of them. I am able to make life happen for myself, instead of walking though it believing its made me. Even though I think these choices are easy and there's no excuse for not doing them, I guess it's kinda cool that I have.
I don't feel that my life lacks any value or meaning. I don't feel that I lack the same because I am without a husband, house, high-paying job, children, etc. And I am 30 years old! Shouldn't I be afraid? I know other women wouldn't want the same. We (myself included) freak out when we reach 30 years of age and don't have any of the before-mentioned dreams. I was one of them.
"..Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through
I can't complain but sometimes I still do.."
I suffer from injured pride. I am humbled because it took the cancer stick slap-in-the-face to wake me up from all my frustration and despair. But overjoyed now that I have realized that though all of the above desires can be wonderful blessings in a woman's life, they certainly don't make it. I wasted too many years being upset that I had none of these situations in my life. I want those years back!
It's much easier to be a friend, servant, believer, and a woman without all of that self-inflicted pressure. I wish it for all my single girlfriends, and boyfriends with similar issues.
And the Cancer? I have been able to walk through treatment mainly on my own, without any difficulty. I have plenty of support, and a mostly put-together brain that allows me to work, drive, talk/think/joke/laugh/read/ and bake cookies without any real problems. I get annoyed when I fuse words together, or forget my keys, but I'm thinking that problem is more to old age setting in..;) And lest I forget, I GOT TO GO TO AUSTRALIA!!!!
"..I keep on going guess I'll never know why-LIFE'S BEEN GOOD TO ME SO FAR...!"
*Lyrics borrowed from Joe Walsh with possible permission.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The Heat Is On (Again)
Another classic 80's rock song that I should purchase off iTunes to add to my compilation.
I wanted to take a little time to post a quick blog about my recent trip to San Diego and update all of you readers since I know that you've been concerned and anxious to hear about my situation.
I flew into San Diego on Monday the 11th. I had a few preliminary appointments to get cleared for surgery on Wednesday. Lab draws, the go-ahead from anesthesiology, and another MRI to map specific points in my brain to be used as a GPS during surgery.
The biopsy results (including path) revealed that the increased blood flow and duration results from the Profusion are consistent with tumor recurrence. Obviously not something that I want considering that I have not even been battling this disease for a year, and yet there are already signs of progression. Additional surgery is not a desirable option or part of the current plan. Instead I am to receive another radiation "boost."
Here's the fancy hospital built to give the feel of a nice hotel:
More radiation means more radiation to the area that was already treated last winter. Another round of radiation has its risks, and I am told that most hospitals wouldn't provide this type of treatment a second time for the same beast. Because the area to be treated is small at this point, and because it is adjacent to the cavity where my initial tumor was partially resected, my doctors advise to proceed with more radiation.
The plan was to go ahead with 5 days of radiation treatment to this area starting Monday. My original UCD Radiation Oncologist never shared specific information of his treatment plan/summary with my Radiation oncologist (Dr. Murphy) at UCSD, so I've decided to complete the footwork to get this information expedited as soon as possible and then resume treatment in San Diego on May 26. I am not encouraged to "sit and wait" or to avoid treatment altogether, but I just didn't feel comfortable rushing into treatment so soon knowing that the concise plan from my previous treatment was not readily available for my San Diego Physicians. Although the information is unlikely to have a profound affect on my new course of treatment, I feel more at ease to go through with this course of action.
Other than that, I am well. It is hot outside, and I met two new cool friends today and hung out with them at their Garage Sale. :)
Here's a shot of the Rose Garden in bloom (taken end of April):
I wanted to take a little time to post a quick blog about my recent trip to San Diego and update all of you readers since I know that you've been concerned and anxious to hear about my situation.
I flew into San Diego on Monday the 11th. I had a few preliminary appointments to get cleared for surgery on Wednesday. Lab draws, the go-ahead from anesthesiology, and another MRI to map specific points in my brain to be used as a GPS during surgery.
The biopsy results (including path) revealed that the increased blood flow and duration results from the Profusion are consistent with tumor recurrence. Obviously not something that I want considering that I have not even been battling this disease for a year, and yet there are already signs of progression. Additional surgery is not a desirable option or part of the current plan. Instead I am to receive another radiation "boost."
Here's the fancy hospital built to give the feel of a nice hotel:
More radiation means more radiation to the area that was already treated last winter. Another round of radiation has its risks, and I am told that most hospitals wouldn't provide this type of treatment a second time for the same beast. Because the area to be treated is small at this point, and because it is adjacent to the cavity where my initial tumor was partially resected, my doctors advise to proceed with more radiation.
The plan was to go ahead with 5 days of radiation treatment to this area starting Monday. My original UCD Radiation Oncologist never shared specific information of his treatment plan/summary with my Radiation oncologist (Dr. Murphy) at UCSD, so I've decided to complete the footwork to get this information expedited as soon as possible and then resume treatment in San Diego on May 26. I am not encouraged to "sit and wait" or to avoid treatment altogether, but I just didn't feel comfortable rushing into treatment so soon knowing that the concise plan from my previous treatment was not readily available for my San Diego Physicians. Although the information is unlikely to have a profound affect on my new course of treatment, I feel more at ease to go through with this course of action.
Other than that, I am well. It is hot outside, and I met two new cool friends today and hung out with them at their Garage Sale. :)
Here's a shot of the Rose Garden in bloom (taken end of April):
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