Sensory Overload

I am completely, 100 percent, in tune with my senses. All five of them. Over the passed week I have been experiencing several emotions in motion. I'm overwhelmed.

Let's start with Joy; I have a deep sense of it all day long each day. I am so incredibly happy to be alive. I can not wake up or go out or stroll along without feeling joyful consistently with every passing moment. I mean these things literally.



Its summer in Sacramento. Currently we are experiencing lower than normal temperatures for this time of year. Each day is incredibly beautiful and bright. Warm. I bask in this beauty all day long. I see beauty walking out my door, riding my bike, running errands. I feel the warmth of the Sun/Son. :) Nothing is hidden.



Its as if I was asleep before, and now my eyes are opened and can see clearly now. (I can see all obstacles in my way). I thought I was alive before, but it's hard to believe now-seeing, touching, feeling like I do today. Was I dead? I am hoping that as you read these words you understand exactly what I am trying to say. How did i exist before?

I remember my doctors telling me that staying on Dilantin for too long could have problems. They always told me that they would eventually switch my anti-convulsion meds to Keppra. They said that when people came off of dilantin it was like they suddenly "woke up." I'm sure that part of my energy over the passed week comes from adjusting to the new medicine, (and caffeine) but by no means is it the only excuse.




It's almost been a year since my Cancer diagnosis. I have learned much about myself throughout this journey. To what extent was I depressed before? How did I ever have or know a good time? Where did all my friends and loved ones come from (you're all saints)? I know I've laughed and had great times, but it only feels like I'm just beginning to experience life for real now. It's a humbling feeling for me. Wanting to fight feelings of toughness and pride like "I can handle anything" that comes my way, but trying just to appreciate the abundant grace that has been extended my way.


So comes the fear. When will the other shoe drop? Life can't stay this good for long... Please pray for me you praying kinds-I know that this is just a typical fear for someone who is use to drama and doesn't know how to handle when things "go right." :) I am hoping to live a long life, cancer or no cancer-it's irrelevant.



Awake, my soul, and SING!

Now, bring me that horizon

Drink up me hearties yo ho!

;)